You Can't Get Blood Out Of A Turnip

Who knew you could learn a life lesson from a turnip?

When the Lord gave me this visual I went dashing to Wal-Mart to purchase a turnip. I needed to have time to get it all dolled up for the Banquet! I was in a BIG hurry when I realized I did not know what a turnip looked like! So I asked the person stocking the produce, and she didn’t know either! Luckily, my husband did. He purchased the lonely little turnip and brought her home in time for her debut.

The following is an excerpt from my recent Mother/Daughter Banquet teaching:

How many of you have ever heard the saying, “You can’t get blood out of a turnip?”

How many of you know you can be related, but feel like you live in two different worlds? Surely the other person is the problem.

Grandmop & The Turnip

Gmop: What’s up Turnip?

Turnip: Not much Grandmop…just trying to figure out what to do today.

Gmop: I know…we could go shopping! I have a coupon!

Turnip: I can’t go shopping…I don’t have a driver’s license or a coupon.
           For heaven’s sake…I’m just a turnip!

Gmop: Well…maybe we could go get a massage and a Pedicure.

Turnip: I can’t go get a massage and a pedicure…I don’t even have a back, toenails or polish!
           For heaven’s sake…I’m just a turnip!

Gmop: I’ve got it! We could go out for a quick bite! We could go have Sushi and coffee from Starbucks!

Turnip: I can’t go get sushi! I don’t have a Sushi Bar in my neighborhood and I’m allergic to caffeine!
           For heaven’s sake…I’m just a turnip!

Gmop: Turnip this is so frustrating! I need so much more love, attention, and time than you are    
           giving me! YOU NEVER CALL ME! YOU NEVER HAVE ENOUGH TIME! IT’S ALL   
           ABOUT YOU! YOU DIDN’T EVEN COMPLIMENT ME ON MY NEW DRESS!

Turnip: Grandmop…I’m sorry….this makes me sad. I don’t seem to be much help or any fun. God 
           designed  me completely different. If you plant or cook me, I could give you nutrients to help you
           stay  healthy or I would look great in your purple kitchen! Besides…I don’t even have a watch.      
           Plus, I  live on the ground and I can’t see above your ankles!
           For heaven’s sake…I’m just a turnip!

Thank you Turnip…please take a bow.

Isn’t this ridiculous? In reality this is no more ridiculous than the outrageous demands that we place on the people closest to us. For me…. lesson well learned.

After the banquet, during our drive home, our daughter just shook her head and said, “Of course, my mother painted a turnip!” (Poor girl…imagine having me for a mother)

      t-t-f-n (ta-ta-for-now)

"A Classic Christmas Song With A Fruity Twist"

Since I began this blog in May, I have had the privilege to write about a variety of subjects. I attempt to follow the leading of the Lord, even in the most challenging and ridiculous topics. We forget that God himself said laughter was like a medicine. The year of 2010 has been one of the most challenging years of my married life and for some of my dearest friends as well. Had it not been for the "joy of the Lord"... well, I'm just not sure. So being true to form, I choose to celebrate this most holiest of seasons by remembering everything that Christ purchased for me, including my joy.

My escapades with produce prompted more than one unexpected response. People have called, e-mailed, and stopped me to say they will never view produce the same. A new best friend that has followed the Blog from the beginning purchased a Wal-Mart Gift Card for ME to buy more produce!!!! How priceless is that?

Of all the reactions, I must admit this "Classic Christmas Song With A Fruity Twist," written by one of my new best friends, is my favorite. She said this was my Christmas Card from her and I could do with it as I pleased. I added a picture and am sharing it with you. So as they say, once your food has been served, "Enjoy!"

On the First day of Christmas my True Love gave to me...

A Pineapple in a Pear Tree....


On the Second day of Christmas of my True Love gave to me...
Two Apricots, and a Pineapple in a Pear Tree.


On the Third day of Christmas my True Love gave to me...
Three Mangoes, two Apricots, and a Pineapple in a Pear Tree.


On the Fourth Day of Christmas my True Love gave to me...
Four Personal Melons, three Mangoes, two Apricots, and a Pineapple in a Pear Tree.


On the Fifth Day of Christmas my True Love gave to me...
Five ‘tangy’ tangerines...four Personal Melons, three Mangoes, two Apricots, and a Pineapple in a Pear Tree.


On the Sixth Day of Christmas my True Love gave to me...
Six Grapes a hanging, Five ‘tangy’ Tangerines...four Personal Melons, three Mangoes, two Apricots, and a Pineapple in a Pear Tree.


On the Seventh Day of Christmas my True Love gave to me...
Seven Stacks of Strawberries, Six Grapes a hanging, Five ‘tangy’ Tangerines...four Personal Melons, three Mangoes, two Apricots, and a Pineapple in a Pear Tree.

On the Eighth Day of Christmas my True Love gave to me...
Eight Packs of Peaches, Seven Stacks of Strawberries, Six Grapes a hanging, Five ‘tangy’ Tangerines...four Personal Melons, three Mangoes, two Apricots, and a Pineapple in a Pear Tree.


On the Ninth Day of Christmas my True Love gave to me...
Nine Bags of Lemons, Eight Packs of Peaches, Seven Stacks of Strawberries, Six Grapes a hanging, Five ‘tangy’ Tangerines...four Personal Melons, three Mangoes, two Apricots, and a Pineapple in a Pear Tree.

On the Tenth Day of Christmas my True Love gave to me...
Ten Banana Bunches, Nine Bags of Lemons, Eight Packs of Peaches, Seven Stacks of Strawberries, Six Grapes a hanging, Five ‘tangy’ Tangerines...four Personal Melons, three Mangoes, two Apricots, and a Pineapple in a Pear Tree.


On the Eleventh Day of Christmas my True Love gave to me...
Eleven Plums a Plenty, Ten Banana Bunches, Nine Bags of Lemons, Eight Packs of Peaches, Seven Stacks of Strawberries, Six Grapes a hanging, Five ‘tangy’ Tangerines...four Personal Melons, three Mangoes, two Apricots, and a Pineapple in a Pear Tree.


On the Twelfth Day of Christmas my True Love gave to me...
Twelve Delicious Apples, Eleven Plums a Plenty, Ten Banana Bunches, Nine Bags of Lemons, Eight Packs of Peaches, Seven Stacks of Strawberries, Six Grapes a hanging, Five ‘tangy’ Tangerines...four Personal Melons, three Mangoes, two Apricots, and a Pineapple in a Pear Tree.

HAHAHAHAHAHA! HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! HEHEHEHEHEHE! Merry Christmas to all, and may 2011 be the most fruitful year yet!

PART I: A Woman Never Outgrows the Need to Be Beautiful To Someone

Many, many years ago there was a young lady in our church who, to be politically correct, was a midget. People assumed because this person was unusually short, that she was also handicapped. SOOOOOOOO WRONG! She was very bright and articulate, but few had taken the time to find that out.

A dear friend of mine had befriended this lady and her husband. Their lives consisted of more challenges than the average person could endure. At the time her husband was both an alcoholic and was battling cancer, not to mention their financial difficulties.

After a few visits to the church, and just plain being loved on they both gloriously gave their hearts to the Lord. Their faithfulness was admirable. It was close to the Christmas Holidays and our newest church member had joined the choir and was going to sing in the Christmas Cantata. I felt the Lord impressed me to make an investment in this woman in the form of a shopping trip and a day of beauty. Little did I know she had NEVER had this experience.

When two of my best buds found out what I was up to they wanted to be included in on the adventure as well. The plans were made. I made an appointment for her at the local beauty school for the works…hair, make-up, etc.

I prayed about where to take her shopping. In the morning newspaper were the BEST coupons to one of my favorite stores. I also prayed the Lord would stretch our finances. He did! Without knowing it we all arrived waving the same coupons! We had three times the amount of money to splurge. The Lord also told me to bring my camera, which I promptly forgot. Being more obedient than I, my other bud pulled a camera out of her purse. YAHOOOOO! We were on our way!

I have never had so much fun in my life!!!! We laughed and cried everywhere we went. The entire beauty school sniffed and dabbed their eyes as they watched this precious soul get transformed before us all. They donated all of their services.

My “little” friend cried as well. She had the hair dresser turn her around and around in the chair to see her new ‘do’ from every angle. I had determined that she had naturally curly hair and if she would allow the girl to cut it quite a bit all of those glorious curls would pop into place. WA-LAHHH – Just as predicted!!!!

Once we arrived at the store we all three went in different directions to make our own selections for our beauty candidate. Just one little problem….she did not have a clue as to what size she wore. All of her clothes were hand-me-downs that someone would cut up and alter for her.

When the sales clerks realized what we were doing they were WILD! They were running in different directions waving their opinions in the air yelling across the store, “Hey, what about this?” Clothes, hangars, and price tags were flying. We looked like a game show!

Each time we threw an outfit over the dressing room door our ‘little’ model would step out and turn round about for our applause whether it fit or not. Even though we found the correct size, everything was still about six inches too long, both the arms and legs. A precious saint of the church agreed to do all of the alterations for free.

We worked every discount we could find. In addition to the new church clothes and a bit of jewelry, the coupons made it possible to buy her a red winter coat and gloves. We were high with excitement!

We were running out of time and money, but I felt the Lord prompt me to ask her what kind of shirt would her husband like. I nearly fainted when she very accurately described a plaid western shirt, but only with pearl button snaps. She knew his size. Where were we ever going to find anything like that in such a short amount of time?

I told the girls to hold on while I ran next door to the men’s department. There on the sales table was the shirt she had described just waiting for me to pick it up for delivery. I was hysterical!

These sales clerks were not privy to what was taking place next door and just probably thought I had missed my hormone shot. I don’t remember exactly if I kissed that shirt or not, but I would say from the strange looks, YES, I did.

Our newly dressed friend was so exhausted, she actually asked us to take her home!!!! We did not know she was ill. On the trip back to the church we prayed for her healing. By the time she crawled out of my vehicle, she had a complete makeover and a healed body. Her little face was flush with the presence of the Lord. WHAT A GLORIOUS DAY!!!!

The night of the Cantata I met my friend early in the church bathroom. Look out! I was a woman on a mission. Armed with every beauty paraphernalia I could single handedly carry I was going to help her get dressed for her debut. I felt like I was wrapping a present. When she stepped out on that stage she looked like the “Christmas Star.” I could hardly contain myself.

She has never been the same, and neither have I.

(To be continued)….

t-t-f-n ( ta-ta-for now )